B-HED rehabs in Australia

It's been a long time, my plastic-loving friends... too long. Much to our disappointment, B-HED was unreachable during his vacation over the past week and a half- touring Victoria, Australia. But fret not children, he is BACK... and better than ever. With a renewed sense of adventure, poise & responsibility, B-HED has refreshed his edgy sense of humor and is ready to gain further momentum as the epic badass that you so greatly admire.

Utilizing his ninja-like abilities to move around virtually unnoticed, B-HED managed to get onto the beach during classified Coast Guard exercises. He was unimpressed with the tactical procedures until he realized they were trying to emulate a rescue, not an attack. That made more sense.

B-HED's adventures throughout Victoria's Southwest coast line were unusually subdued - and mostly confidential. Any paparazzi who dared get too close was soon relieved of their camera equipment.

He thought very carefully about his affiliations, his role in our lives and his overwhelming need to be in control at all times. He followed the teachings of his Master, Guru Bfullahit and meditated, completely immersing himself in thought. Then he remembered he didn't care. His adventures will continue.

All is well with the world again.

Everything is about B-HED and B-HED is about everything. The sooner you learn it, the sooner you can accept your place in life - - as his dedicated blog monkeys!

In less than 3 weeks, B-HED will take you along his adventures in the Caribbean. He will tweet & post blogs from Bahamas, St Maarten, St Thomas and Turks & Caicos. Now you have something to look forward to.

You're welcome.

Father Time Hates Chuck Norris

You may remember the post (Jan 24th 2010 ) comparing B-HED to Chuck Norris. Well yesterday was Chuck’s 70th birthday, so it’s only fitting to pay tribute to the former champ of toughness… after all, he is slightly cool with his auburn glow and popular “Peace Through Violence” methodologies. But for the most part, we remember the 80s Chuck. 2010 Chuck lacks a certain strength… The vivacity that someone born in 1940 sadly parts with post-retirement: the ability to take on 16 guys, only armed with loud army fatigue and super tight jeans (so tight that it makes us want to send a search and rescue mission for his nads). Maybe we should give him some slack, as most of those pics are taken in the 80s or early 90s... that’s 20 to 30 years ago kids.

Here is a new new video video posted on MTV. It features Chuck describing why his cartoon series got trashed by CBS. THIS is what Chuck looks like today. Is it just me, or did his teeth grow? Maybe he got ‘dental fixtures’ because his teeth weren’t up to the job of chewing all that steel he eats… or they may have simply rotted away like my granny. That’s a very fair comparison. Chuck Norris vs. My Granny. I’d pay to see that battle.

Other popular people that were born in 1940: Bill Kurtis (Cold Case actor) Don Imus (Radio guy) Frank Zappa (Musician) Herbie Hancock (Musician) Jack Nicklaus (Golf pro) Burt Young (uncle Pauly from the Rocky movies) Alex Trebek (Jeopardy) Ed Lauter (Actor – most memorably from the show Coach) (We purposely left out Sir Al Pacino. For obvious reasons). For the record, anyone born on Jan 7th 1956, with the initials DC has complete immunity from the aging process. Watch Monday night (@10pm on CBS) and see for yourself.

Happy Birthday you aging-ginger-karate-moustached legend.... Happy Birthday.

Horatio is... Batman

This was big. It had been building for weeks... the anticipation had become overwhelming. And now, it was time to see him again. My heart began to beat faster, faster, faster. I could feel my temperature rising, every breath brought me closer to him. I was so consumed by the look... that look. I felt an instant pang of impatience - wanting it sooner, remembering how long it has been. Those knowing eyes, that arrogant glance…. He knew what I wanted.

And he gave it to me.

It was 10pm when Horatio entered my home Monday night, and I was ready. I think somewhere in between H’s brooding looks, side glances and smoldering manliness, a show happened. ‘Apparently’, there was a murder, a trip to LA, some crooked cops and some vindicated CSIs. Yada yada yada, Batman H saved the day. All kidding aside, one of my favorite things about CSI Miami is David Caruso’s interpretation of Horatio as a mythical, uber-human super-cop. Horatio is Batman. They both personify justice and humanity. In fact, they share more than a few character traits. For example:  

• They both have dark sides borne out of a painful past.
• Both are driven by their experiences to do good, to BE the good in other people's lives.
• They both have a "distinct" superhero uniform - with the difference being that H's uniform he can wear in public and STILL be disguised.
• Have surprisingly refined deductive abilities.
 
• Are always there when you need them. 

• Mysteriously appear 2 ft away from the villain, when least expected

• Have ridiculously accurate aim
• Have terrible luck with the ladies.
• Have really cool cars.

• Share space in the dictionary under the word "Awesome".

One of my favourite Batman-esque traits is Horatio’s hypnotic voice. With the delivery of one question (asked in his usual baritone, slow patterned dialogue), people completely open themselves up and willingly reveal their deepest demons. In most cases, they do so despite RIDICULOUS repercussions (jail time or death sentence). Why? Because he COMMANDED them to. THAT, my friends, is power.

Gingers around the world rejoice! You have yourselves an honest to goodness super-hero! Good job Horatio, good job.

Dina out