Sometimes, being a fan takes over our lives. Some of us even lose ourselves; often blurring the clear line between fantasy and reality. Need help? No worries, B-HED is here to help. So come children, nestle to B-HED’s teet as he sheds some light on whether or not you may be a stalker.
13 Reasons Why You May Be A Stalker:
1. If you make it a habit of befriending people based on how you can manipulate them/their posts/comments to make everyone other than you look ‘oddly aggressive’… You may be a stalker.
2. If it thrills you that your celebrity crush has actually signed the restraining order against you, and consider it as a free autograph… You may be a stalker.
3. If you convince your husband/wife to be your stalker-buddy so that he/she can come and hold the camera while you hide in the bushes in front of your celebrity crush’s home…. You may be a stalker.
4. If you realize the roast you need to prepare for dinner is in the freezer of your celebrity crush’s home. Logically, you need to retrieve it, right? Yeah…. You may be a stalker.
5. If your stalker-like actions creep out nearly all your online friends and they abandon you in DROVES, yet you are comforted by the belief that they are just jealous… you may be a stalker.
6. If you 'accidentally' purchase aerial footage of your celebrity crush’s home, and JUST HAPPEN to have a blue print of the attic… you may be a stalker.
7. If you are convinced your actions are innocent, despite your pleasure in creating fear and anxiety in your victim, I mean celebrity crush… you may be a stalker.
8. If you take tons of pictures upon meeting your celebrity crush, only to withhold them from other fans… well, you're just mean.
9. If you stop being intimate with your spouse because you feel like you’re cheating on your celebrity crush… you may be a stalker.
10. If you have done any or all of the following:
• browse websites for months to find your celebrity crush’s home address
• travel around the world to go to their house (twice)
• wait for hours to confront them to get a picture and are surprised when they don’t invite you inside for dinner and drinks
…. you may be a stalker
11. If you are a contributing author in National Stalkers Weekly magazine… You may be a stalker
12. If you spend thousands of dollars to fly across the world, TWICE, to meet your celebrity crush, only to be shocked they are not interested in running away with you… You may be a stalker.
13. If your celebrity crush is so disgusted and unimpressed by your actions that he/she stops networking with ALL fans…. DUDE! YOU ARE A STALKER.
Thank you and good night!
